POST Control: rmgroup alt.slack Newsgroups: alt.slack Path: plover.com!not-for-mail!vizopteryx From: vizopteryx@plover.com (Yark Dominus) Subject: NINTH ANNUAL MIGHTY MARCHDAY ALT.SLACK RMGROUP X-Motto: To Swerve and Perfect X-Subliminal-Catchphrase-1: ``Growling Fungus'' X-Subliminal-Catchphrase-2: ``Freshens Your Breath While You Barf'' X-Subliminal-Catchphrase-3: ``My my my my my my Sharona'' Message-ID: Sender: news@op.net Organization: Noble and Enlightened Seekers After Truth Inc. Keywords: malaria, nirvana, spin, stopwatch By the Holy Claws of Klortho the Magnificent, this IS a Fine Anniversary! Welcome to the First day of March, also known as MARCHDAY. As before, I celebrate MARCHDAY by issuing an rmgroup message for alt.slack. NINTH ANNUAL MIGHTY MARCHDAY alt.slack RMGROUP Once is a prank. Twice is a nuisance. But NINE TIMES is a TRADITION. ** PROLOGUE ** I approached last year's Mighty Marchday alt.slack Rmgroup with a tear in my eye, knowing that only a few scant months later the mighty aliens would come and take all the Subgeniuses away, and not a minute too soon, neither. But hallelujah! The puissant and all-knowing Rev. Stang discovered he had made a mistake: X-day is not until 8,661! So this rmgroup message is but the 9th in a series of 6672. Frankly I did not expect it to go on so long when I started. And who knows? There may yet be another postponement. So congratulations, everyone, on surviving the feared and dreaded X-DAY! I can once again look forward to seeing you all again next year at the TENTH ANNUAL MIGHTY MARCHDAY alt.slack RMGROUP. ** WHY? ** Why rmgroup alt.slack every year on March 1? SERIOUS REASON I first did it in a fit of pique. In 1990, the alt.slack folks were having a big argument about who had the most slack. Oy gevalt. So I rmgrouped it, as a practical joke. A practical joke is not supposed to be some stupid prank like nailing someone's shoes to the floor. A good practical joke shows someone their own flaw in a funny way so that they have to laugh and correct it. I was trying to tell the alt.slackers to stop worrying so much about slack. If you worry about it, you ain't got it. Some alt.slackers got very angry at me and sent abusive mail. And some of them took it in stride and sent out newgroup messages with entertaining countermanifestoes. And, I hope, some of the ones who might have taken it seriously, didn't, because that's what I was hoping for. SERIOUS SERIOUS REASON It's March First! The Calends of March! It's SPRING. A time for cosmic rebirth. But you can't have rebirth without death first, and alt.slack didn't have the sense to die over the winter like everything else. So die die die, you procrastinating newsgroup! VERY VERY SERIOUS REASON Life is infinitely delightful in it bounty of unpredictable random nonsense. Here's some random nonsense. Revel in it! MOST COMPLETELY SERIOUS REASON OF ALL . * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * ***** * * * ** ** * * * *** * * * * * * * *** ***** *** ** * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * ** * * * * * * *** * . ** WHAT WILL HAPPEN? ** Usenet was a little different in 1990 when I started doing this. If you sent out an rmgroup, someone might really honor it. Now, it's not so likely. But I think it's still worth a try. You do the best you can. And I'm hopeful, because the omens this year are excellent: * On January 29, 1999, John Alan Brunner, an Orthodontist in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, discovered a corn flake in the likeness of Eduardo Figueroa in his breakfast cereal. For the past three years this Figureoan Flake has miraculously remained CRISPY, EVEN SUBMERGED IN MILK!!! * On February 17, 1999, everyone in the entire world mysteriously forgot that the capital of Nevada is Reno, instead mistakenly believing it to be Carson City. * On February 23, 1999, the sacred tampons of Ste. Courgette of Verona were stolen from the reliquary at Cathedral of Ste. Courgette in Nimes, France. They appeared later, floating over the city, surrounded by a halo of golden light. A ghostly voice then spoke to the people of Nimes, saying ``Nicole, apportez-moi mes pantoufles, et me donnez mon bonnet de nuit.'' * On February 27, only the day before yesterday, the giant popsicle in Norberry, Massachusetts, Home of the World's Largest Popsicle, caught fire and BURNED to the GROUND. Yes, it's a fine day for an alt.slack rmgroup. Thank you for playing, and see you next year. Of course, something might still go wrong. The forecasts of Y2K doom are sounding ever more dire, and furthermore I am reliably informed that on September 13, 1999, a tremendous disaster will dislodge the Earth's Moon from its orbit and send it hurtling off into space. (See http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Boulevard/2196//cron.html for fullest details.) Well, let's think positive. See you next year at this time! Mark-Jason Dominus Grand Vizopteryx, Discordian Society vizopteryx@plover.com (Dick Feynman Epopterie) .